Tortures of the Damned
by sinsoftheflesh98
Summary: ON HIATUS!Draco confesses his love for Harry. See how Harry reacts. Warning: Cutting, suicide?
1. Tortures of the Damned

**A/N: **So, I wrote this as a oneshot, then added a chapter, and now I've revised it. I realized I had MAJOR plot inconsistincies and I needed to fix it up. So, for you who've already read this story, I suggest you reread the first two chapters, because it's a lot better now, hopefully. And for the newbies to this story, enjoy a fully revised edition ofTortures of the Damned.

**Dislaimer:** The characters in this story are of the great J.K. so, yea. Oh, and the lyrics (in bold and italics) are from the song "Tortures of the Damned" by Bayside and I changed the lyrics the slightest bit (instead of the age of 22, I changed it to 17, so yea…no biggie)

**Warnings:** cutting, language, attempted suicide, male/male relationship (but like I really had to tell you…)

On with the story!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Draco Malfoy rushed into his dormitory, flushed in the face, in shock of what he had just done.

_I can't believe I did that. I'm so fucking stupid! Telling Harry I loved him and kissing him like that. Of course he shoved me away, what did I expect? I'm such an idiot. I knew he wouldn't return my feelings, so why did I set myself up for such rejection?_

**Flashback**

"Hey, Potter!" a voice cried over the chatter of the hallways. Harry turned around sharply, coming face to face with his school enemy, Draco Malfoy.

"What do you want, Malfoy," Harry asked, obviously very pissed off.

"Well, I wanted to see if we could talk for a minute…I have something to tell you. It's really important…" Draco replied nervously.

"What is it about, Malfoy? Because if it's not absolutely necessary, then I don't want to have to talk to you."

"Why would I talk to you unless if it wasn't absolutely necessary, Potter?" Malfoy easily slipped on his mask, once again taking the role of a complete ass.

"Fine," Harry huffed. Draco pointed to an empty classroom, and Harry rushed in, wanting to get it over as fast as possible. Draco, on the other hand, went into the classroom as slow as possible, trying to put off what was about to happen as much as possible.

As soon as Draco entered the room and closed the door, Harry said coldy, "What is it?"

"Okay, umm, I need you to not talk at all during what I'm about to say. Don't say anything!" Draco added as Harry opened his mouth to fling an insult at him.

"Like I was saying," Draco continued, "Please don't say anything until I'm finished. This is hard enough as it is. Well, here goes. Harry, ever since beginning of fifth year, I've realized something.

"I saw you and instead of feeling the normal spite and hate towards you, I felt something that I wasn't sure what it was, but it was something.

"I knew I never really hated you, but I never let myself truly know until fifth year.

"I also started noticing you more; I saw things that no one else saw. I saw the way you slipped on masks so easily, just to hide from the world.

"I soon could tell when you were showing the real you, or when you hid behind one of your masks. But that's not all I noticed.

"At the start of six year, I started noticing little quirks, too. The way you bite your lip when you're under stress, usually in Potions, because, well everyone knows Snape puts in that little extra to make your day as bad as possible.

"I noticed how you ruffle your hair when you've heard bad news, or the way you look when you truly smile.

"I've noticed how you shuffle your right foot the slightest bit when you're lying, and they way you hold your side when you're trying to contain and hide your feelings.

"I've noticed so many things about you, it'd take hours to tell, but the point is, that, well, quite frankly, I've fallen head over heels in love with you.

"I've woken up in a cold sweat and sobbing frantically after having nightmares of you in pain or dying.

"I feel a twinge of pain when I see you with girls, and unbearable jealousy no doubt. I feel like I've been crushed when I see you upset, and have to fight back the urge to comfort you and do anything to make you happy.

"I love you so much, even though I'm pretty certain you could never feel the same, I had to let you know. I love you, Harry Potter, more than I can bear."

With that said, Draco leaned in and lightly brushed his lips against Harry's. He didn't further the kiss, nor did he pull away, he simply waited. He waited for Harry to deepen the kiss if he so wished.

A few seconds passed when Draco was shoved. Hard. He fell back and hit the wall behind him. Before he could comprehend what was going on, he was punched in the face by his love.

"Don't you ever fucking touch me again, Malfoy. I will never love you. You hold no place in my heart." He was punched again, but didn't care and hardly noticed.

He didn't notice Harry storm away, and definitely didn't notice the look of sorrow and desire in Harry's eyes before he stormed away. He slid down the wall, staying on the floor for who knows how long. His world had crumbled.

**End Flashback**

Harry's words still ringing through his ears, _'I will never love you. You hold no place in my heart.'_

Unable to handle it anymore, Draco finally collapsed. He fell to the ground, sobs racking his body. He cried until he physically couldn't anymore. Then he just laid there for a while, until he knew what he had to do.

_**I hate myself**_

_**More than I ever let on**_

_**I'm burnt out at 17**_

He slowly stood up, making his way to his trunk.

_**I have lived too fast**_

_**And I have loved too much**_

He opened it up, rummaged around until he pulled out the desired item. His switchblade.

_**And I'll die too young**_

He thought back on the last hours. _It's all my fault, why did I have to fucking tell him?_ He popped up the blade.

**_But I chose this cup _**

_**That I drank from**_

_**Knew what I was getting into**_

He cut two deep slits across his right hand. Repeating the same on the other wrist. Slowly, the blood was flowing down his hands, dripping onto the cold cement floor.

_**But I couldn't let on**_

_**What I had to keep in**_

He remembered all the things he'd done for Harry, and Harry probably didn't even know. The way he was also a spy when becoming a Death Eater.

He fought for the light, Dumbledore and Snape being the only ones knowing, and Draco was still confused as to why Severus didn't tell his father about it. Eventually his father and Voldemort found out. Draco barely made it out alive afterwards.

_**I'm ashamed of myself**_

_**And unspeakable sins**_

_**That I've committed and**_

_**I've made mistakes**_

Draco soon grew dizzy, falling to the ground once again. He sat himself up and waited. Waited for his sweet release.

_**But I'll find my way**_

_**There's no explanation for**_

_**The things I've failed at before**_

Just as he was slipping away, his door opened, revealing an emerald-eyed boy. "Draco!" He heard the boy cry his name, but couldn't realize who it was until they were sitting next to him.

_**But you can't hold my hand**_

"Harry," Draco rasped out, slowly losing consciousness. "I love you," Draco said again, his eyes fluttering closed.

_**It just hurts to be a man**_

"No, Draco! Don't leave me! I love you too much to let you go," Harry cried, fresh tears leaking from his eyes, falling down his face. Draco turned to him, and Harry continued hurriedly.

"I didn't want to admit it, but I love you so much. When you told me, I was sure you were playing a joke on me, and I was mad.

"It was only after what I said, did I realize you must've been telling the truth. I came running here as soon as I realized. I love you too, Draco. I can't imagine life without you, and I don't want to.

"I can't believe you didn't figure it out with all the other things you noticed. Well, I guess the same goes for me. I noticed so many things about you, but didn't even have the suspicion of you liking me.

"But that's unimportant now. The only thing that matters is I love you. I love you!

"Please don't leave me, I love you too fucking much, I can't lose anyone else that matters to me.

"And see," a now hysterical Harry, pulled Draco's hand to his heart, "You feel that? That's my heart. It belongs to you. You don't just have a place in it, you own the whole damn thing." Harry gave a very half-hearted chuckle.

"I love you, Draco Malfoy, so much I can hardly stand it."

Harry then leaned in and gave Draco an innocent kiss on the lips, and after a few moments, pulled away. Draco looked at Harry, smiled his first ever genuine smile, and soon darkness consumed him.

_**Through the tortures of the damned.**_


	2. Trashed and Scattered

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Sorry it took so long, as you might've read, I had major major major writer's block. So, it took me quite a bit to get a chapter out. I would like the thank my fantastic beta **Jemi**! She is so great! If it weren't for her my story would end up like complete shit. Oh, and my apologies to my other betas, **inuyasha'sgirl951**, and **Blaze**. Sorry I didn't wait for your guys' edits of the chapter, I got bored and impatient so I decided to post the next chapter. Anyway, here's the next chapter, hope it's to your liking!

**Disclaimer:** Story belongs to J.K. and all that jazz.

**Warnings: **Slash, language, cutting, maybe some other stuff down the road.

**--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter Two: Trashed and Scattered **(Chapter title comes from the song by Avenged Sevenfold)

Draco Malfoy's eyes fluttered open to reveal a shockingly white ceiling. Although it was dark and appeared to be either very late at night or very early in the morning, the ceiling was so white it was practically luminescent.

It took a few moments for it to sink in, but Draco soon realized he was, in fact, in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts. _Ah, fuck, what happened? I'm in so much pain…_

The memories began to rush back to him. He remembered everything and nearly broke down.

He was overcome with extreme melancholy as the memories of Harry's initial rejection resurfaced.

He then warmed when the memory of Harry's confession rushed into his mind. _Harry loves me, he loves me._

Draco's thoughts were interrupted when heard a slight snore come from beside him. He, ever-so carefully, tilted his head to see what caused the noise.

His silver eyes soon fell on the slumbering form of his love, Harry, in an armchair beside his bed.

Harry was curled up in a ball, looking rather uncomfortable and had tear-streaked cheeks. Draco just stared at his sleeping beauty until he began to grow dizzy.

As the room began to spin, Draco vaguely saw Harry awaken and he heard his love call his name.

Before Draco succumbed to the depths of unconsciousness, he said "Harry……I love you."

Draco woke up again staring at the same white ceiling, but this time the room was bathed in light.

Draco quickly turned his head to see if Harry was still beside him. His sight settled on a clearly vacant armchair; no Harry in sight.

Draco scanned the whole room to make sure there was in fact a lack of Harry when he saw a note on the side of his pillow. He picked it up and it simply read, 'I love you. Goodbye.'

Draco instantly knew it was from Harry, but was completely confused by the goodbye. _What does he mean by goodbye? I'll see him in classes later on…I hope everything's alright._

Draco's thoughts were interrupted once again, but this time it was by Dumbledore entering the room.

"Ah, Draco, so good to see you up. How are you feeling?" Dumbledore's tone was light and nonchalant, but Draco could sense the hint of worry in the headmaster's voice.

"I'm fine, sir. A little sore and groggy, but nothing to worry about."

"Well, Draco, would you care to talk about what happened?" Dumbledore said, obviously wanting to get to the bottom of things.

"Umm….you see….hmpf. It's a very long story professor, and I think it would be all too shocking for you to hear." Draco was very hesitant in revealing the events leading up to his present state.

"My dear boy, don't underestimate me, I believe I am quite aware of what's going on. Though I am a bit baffled as to why you tried to end your life."

_How could he possibly know what was going on between Harry and I? There wasn't anything going on until last night? Well, I guess I could tell him…at least the basics…_

"You see, I confessed my love to someone the other night. He didn't reciprocate the love until I had already….injured myself.

"I didn't think the person would love me, mind you, for we have been on bad terms since first year.

"But he said some rather harsh words and it crushed me. Afterwards, he came rushing in at the last moment, revealing his love for me. I don't know what happened after that, because I lost consciousness."

"I see, I see. Draco, are you, perhaps, talking about one Harry Potter?" Dumbledore said, with mass amounts of twinkle in his eye.

Draco's panicked thoughts flooded his mind upon hearing the old man's words. _Fuck, he does know. Damn his twinkling eyes...But how does he know?_

Draco took a deep breath and responded. "Yes. But, may I ask, how do you know? I didn't confess my love until the other night and neither did he. So, how did you know we loved each other before we ourselves knew?"

"Draco, it isn't all that hard to see when two people are in love. I doubt many others noticed, though. So far I think Severus and I are the only ones who've noticed, and quite possibly Remus Lupin, but the fact still stands; you two are clearly in love.

"I see the way you two gaze at each other longingly. It is quite obvious, though the other students probably didn't notice, being wrapped up in their own love lives."

"Sev knows?" _Oh fuck, my godfather knows! He's going to tell my father and that will not go over well at all. I'm fucking screwed!_

"Don't worry, the thought to tell your father hasn't even crossed Severus' mind. And even if it did, it would be very unlikely for him to inform your father." Dumbledore said, seemingly reading Draco's mind.

"Why do you say that? Why wouldn't he rat me out to my father? He is just another fucking Death Eater!

"He'd do anything to get in good with that sick bastard they call their Dark Lord, and sucking up to my father is definitely a way to get closer to Voldemort!"

_Shit, this morning is not going over well. Dumbledore knows of me and Harry, Sev knows of me and Harry and my father soon will find out._

"Well, as you have proved yourself a worthy spy for the light, I will reveal the fact to you that Severus is a spy for the light. That's why he didn't bat an eyelash when he found out you were becoming a spy for the light as well.

"He holds no loyalty with the Death Eaters, I assure you. He also cares very much for you, Draco, and would rather sacrifice himself than put you in harm's way, though he might not show it."

Draco really wanted to hear more details on his godfather being a spy, and think about how he hadn't gathered that he was a spy earlier. He also wanted talk to the headmaster more about Harry, but sleep was sneaking up on him. He realized he felt exhausted, and his eyes, against his will, drooped.

Dumbledore noticed the change in Draco's demeanor, and decided to take his leave the let the boy rest. "Draco, I think it's time you got some more rest.

"I know you want to hear more about Severus, but I think you've had enough excitement for one night. I'll return tomorrow and Severus will come too. But now, you need to rest."

"I am feeling really tired," Draco mumbled out, suppressing a yawn. "I guess we can pick up where we left of tomorrow, Professor. Good night."

"Good night, Draco. Sleep well."

As Dumbledore left the room, Draco closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep. But with all this new information plus the note from Harry, needless to say he did not sleep a wink.

Draco laid there for a few hours, just mulling everything over. When Madame Pomfrey came out to check on him, she said he would be able to leave the next day, but would need to take it easy for a while.

Draco was a bit upset over having to stay in the Hospital Wing for another night: it left him alone with his thoughts.

Thankfully, he asked Madame Pomfrey for a sleeping draught, and she kindly complied. Draco soon fell into a dreamless sleep.

He awoke the next day a bit after 7 in the morning feeling slightly refreshed but was soon bombarded by his lingering thoughts. He was still confused about the note Harry left, and really didn't know what to think of it.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, Draco rose from his bed of the past few days and began a well-needed stretch. By the time he finished stretching, Madame Pomfrey came out of her office to check on him.

The meticulous school nurse quickly permitted him to leave, but reminded him to take it easy and not to stress himself too much.

As Draco made his way to the dormitories for a very nice shower, he ran into none other than the Golden Boy himself.

"Hi, Harry. Um…can we talk?" Draco didn't notice the cold glare Harry gave at him or the fact that Ron and Hermione were on either side of him.

"Why would we need to talk, Malfoy?" Harry snapped icily.

"What are you talking about….what with everything that's happened wouldn't you expect us to talk?" Draco was utterly lost and had no clue what was going on.

"Malfoy, there's nothing to talk about. You should've understood perfectly with….the note I left." It took a while for Draco to catch on, but when he did it hit him like a ton of bricks.

_He doesn't want me. But doesn't he love me? He doesn't want to be with me. He doesn't want us together. He doesn't want me. He doesn't want me…_

"Oh, I see…" Draco said softly, using all his strength to fight back the tears begging to rush out. With that, Harry sent him one last icy glare, and stormed off with his friends.

Draco lost sense of everything. He no longer knew his surroundings, everything melted away, and he just didn't care.

He fell to the ground, releasing the tears that he barely contained moments before. Sobs crashed out of his body, echoing down the lonely hallway.

Draco curled himself into a ball, slightly muffling the cries coming from him.

The tears were streaming down his face, soaking his clothes. He didn't care. The only thing on his mind was Harry. Harry.

_Not again! He told me he fucking loved me! How could he do this to me? Especially after what happened! I can't deal with this; having him and then fucking losing him before I was able to spend any fucking time with him! _

_He just decides we shouldn't be together, though we love each other! WE LOVE EACH OTHER! Isn't that enough! Why isn't that enough? Why am I not enough?_

_Harry, please come back to me. I can't live without you, and you know I can't. Don't fucking leave me, Harry. Please. Harry…_

Severus Snape was walking down the hallways of Hogwarts on his way to check on his godson. He was just to the Hospital Wing when he heard distant cries. Someone was obviously very upset.

_I really want to check up on Draco, but he's probably still sleeping. I suppose he can wait, there's no way I'm letting this person get away with such disruptions._

_Besides, I always love being able to deduct points before breakfast even begins. A great start to the day. _

Snape made his way back a few hallways until he found the hallway the cries were emanating from. Snape made his way down the hall, seeing someone curled into a ball in the middle of the floor.

_How improper; just plopped down in the middle of the hall. Well, I'll make sure they learn not to behave so poorly…_

Snape's thoughts stopped abruptly as soon as he realized the person emitting the horrendous sobs was his godson.

Draco was in the middle of a hallway, knees held to his chest, face buried in his knees, crying his heart out. This was all too much.

Snape stood there a few moments until he composed himself enough to try and talk to the broken boy. "Draco…Draco are you alright?" Draco was startled by the presence of his godfather, but soon didn't care in the slightest.

"What does it fucking look like?" Draco choked out between sobs. Even when going through such emotional pain, Draco was still able to be the regular Malfoy smartass.

"Alright, alright. But, Draco, what happened?" Snape grew even more worried when Draco's cries intensified tenfold and he was unable to get any response out.

Snape quickly knew that now was not a time for talking, and swiftly closed the distance between him and his godson, embracing him in a loving hug.

The usually hard-face man didn't care that it was very unlike him to show such affection; Draco was in pain. Fucking unbearable pain. And he needed comfort. And Snape was more than willing to give him said comfort.

Snape held Draco for nearly an hour, not caring it was getting close to the time his first class started. He held Draco until his godson was calm enough to be released.

When Draco was calmer, he looked up at his godfather with red puffy eyes, a wet and blotchy face, but a warm and grateful smile.

Even though he was crushed, having his godfather there for comfort was unbelievably wonderful. He'd hardly ever seen Sev show emotion, much less loving emotion.

Snape gave Draco one more quick hug, and wiped the tears from the boy's face before getting up and trying to talk to him. He helped Draco up and then went in for the kill.

"Draco, what happened?" Draco's face fell. After a few moments, Draco responded with fresh tears running down his face.

His voice was just loud enough for his words to be made out, "Harry…" It took a few moments for Snape to try to figure out what was going on.

Snape knew they loved each other, that much was obvious, but how did that result in Draco lying broken in an abandoned hallway?

He doubted they had actually known about the other loving them, because of the way they snuck glances at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking.

What happened? Did Potter have to do with Draco trying to….kill himself too? If he did, Snape was going to have a very serious chat with this brat. But, alas, Snape was still very confused.

Well, maybe Dumbledore could clue him in a bit. Snape didn't want to pressure Draco right now and put him in any more pain than he was in at the moment.

"No need to explain, Draco. You can tell me later. Just remember, I'm always here if you need me. No matter what, you can turn to me. Now, I think it would be wise for you to go back to the dormitories and rest a bit.

"Don't worry about classes; I'll be sure to excuse you from them. Now, off with you. Go get some sleep, you could definitely use it.

"Don't do anything rash either, like a few days ago." Snape gave Draco a warning glance before continuing.

"I couldn't live with myself if you ended your life. I love you Draco. You're just like a son to me. Please hang on; you can make it through this. And I'm always here for you.

"I have classes right now, but I can come check on you between them and we can talk at the end of the day if you want. But, you have to rest now.

"Off you go, and try to get some sleep." Before Snape could turn on his heel and leave, he was enveloped in a very loving hug by his godson.

"Thank you Sev. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'll be in contact with you later, but I can't talk...not yet. I'll see you soon. Bye." With that Draco released his godfather and slumped off down to the dungeons.

Snape realized he had a class in about fifteen minutes, but decided he needed to talk to Dumbledore as soon as possible. He quickly swept off to the Headmaster's office.

As Harry brushed past Draco, his heart sank. _How could I do that to him? I love him, and he loves me! Why can't we be together? Of course we can't be together. _

_People are already plenty judgmental towards same-sex couples, but a same-sex couple that involves the Boy-Who-Lived and a son of a very well known Death Eater? People would have a huge fit! _

_It wouldn't work. It'd put Draco in so much pain…I couldn't do that to him. But he must think I hate him or else he'll convince me to stay with him. _

_Why did I have to write that note? I told him I loved him again, how stupid of me! I'm just so confused right now… _

"Hey, Harry? What was that with ferret-boy back there?" Ron questioned. Harry froze. _Of course Ron's wondering what's going on. I mentioned the note. I mentioned the fucking note! I'm such an idiot!_

Harry quickly composed himself and easily spat out a lie. "Well, you see Ron, I sent Malfoy a note telling him to fuck off and whatnot, because I'm sick of all our immature fighting.

"So I told him to stop insulting me and my friends and I'll have the decency to stop insulting him and his friends."

"You made a bloody truce with him? How could you Harry? He's been an asshole to us all these years at Hogwarts!"

"No, Ron, I didn't make a truce, per se. It's more of a 'stay out of my face or you'll be fucking sorry' agreement. I just want to stay away from him this year.

"It's our final year and I want it to go as smoothly as possible, and fighting with Malfoy is not exactly what I want to spend my time doing in my final year. That's all. I'm just done with all that shit with Malfoy, it's pointless."

"I guess…it does kind of make sense. But if he doesn't act more civilized I don't care, I'll hex his ass to hell and back." Ron gave Harry an approving smile and a pat on the back. "Actually, it was a pretty smart thing to do."

"Yeah, Harry. I'm really proud of you. Getting past your childish fighting. It's a very mature thing to do." Hermione added with a smile.

_Oh, thank god Ron believed that bullshit! And even Hermione fell for it! And they didn't catch that Draco called me Harry, or the look in his eyes when I told him off. That was so hard to do; the look on his face nearly killed me. _

_But now, I have to keep pretending to hate Draco…no biggie. Sort of. Oh, who am I kidding, it's going to be fucking torture pretending to hate him. I don't know how I managed all these years…_

Harry sunk deep into his thoughts as Ron, Hermione, and he made their way to the Great Hall for breakfast. Once they finished up their meals, Hermione and Harry headed off for Potions and Ron went to Divination.

Ron still couldn't believe he got stuck with that crap class, and Harry was even more upset about having Potions; however, he needed it to become an Auror.

When Harry and Hermione arrived to Potions, they weren't surprised to see Snape, or rather not to see Snape, for he always came at the very last second. They were surprised, however, to see a Draco-less Potions class.

Especially since his two sidekicks were there, seemingly confused about the absence of their leader. Harry and Hermione exchanged curious glances, but where Hermione shrugged it off, Harry's thoughts began to eat away at him.

_Where's Draco? Why isn't he in class? He's always here early to torment us when we arrive. And he wasn't at breakfast either…fuck, I hope I didn't upset him when we ran into each other. _

_Of course he'd be upset, I told him I loved him one minute and the next acted as if I hated him! I'm such an idiot!_

Harry sat in a nervous state until Snape rushed into the classroom. Snape was paler then usual, and seemed extremely on edge.

Now Harry was just plain scared. Hardly anything fazed the Potions professor but when something did, watch out.

Snape quickly spat out the agenda for the day and instructed people to begin brewing their potions. As Harry stood up to gather his ingredients, Snape called out, "Potter, my office. Now!"

Harry's heart sank at hearing Snape's voice. It was filled with so much venom and hate, Harry nearly feared for his well-being. _What has gotten Snape so pissed at me? Oh, Draco…how much of an idiot can I be today?_

Harry slowly made his way across the room to Snape's office. Once inside, Snape slammed the door shut with all his might. Harry gulped, dreading what was to come.

"Now, Potter, what have you done to Draco?" Snape's words were drowning in malice. Harry took a deep breath before gathering himself to explain everything that happened.

"You see, Professor, the other night Draco came to talk to me. He told me he loved me, and then I, uh, well, I punched him. Twice." Before Harry could continue, Snape jumped out of his chair, screaming,

"You punched him? You fucking punched him? How stupid can you get?" Harry flinched after hearing Snape's yells.

Harry waited a few minutes for Snape to calm down before continuing. He had never seen Snape this pissed and it scared him shitless.

"There's more, sir. I punched him and basically told him I hated him. Please don't yell. Not yet. Let me continue. Okay, so I stormed out of the room, and then after a while I came to my senses.

"I ran to Draco's room and was lucky to get to the portrait when a third year was leaving. I slipped through before it closed and made my way up to Draco's room. I found him…on the floor bleeding.

"He'd cut his wrists and was about to pass out. I ran over to him and confessed my love for him right before he passed out.

"I rushed him to the Hospital Wing and stayed there all night watching him to see if he would wake up.

"I snuck back into my dorm a bit before people started waking up. I stayed in the hospital wing the next night too, with all intentions of sneaking back into my room once again.

"But while in the hospital wing, I accidentally…um…cried myself to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night though and saw Draco looking at me.

"I ran over to him, but he quickly passed out. The rest of the night I thought about if we had an open relationship. And by morning I had come to the conclusion he'd be better off if we weren't together.

"If we went out, no one would accept us. I doubt even Ron or Hermione would accept the relationship. I couldn't put him through that pain. So I wrote him a very brief note saying 'I love you. Goodbye.'

"And then I left the Hospital Wing. But I ran into him this morning, and I acted like such an asshole!"

At this point tears were freely falling down Harry's face and his voice was ragged and breathy, as he was trying to contain his sobs.

"I was so cold toward him! I can't believe myself! I acted like I fucking hated him!" Harry fell to the ground, the sobs finally breaking free.

"YOU WHAT? YOU FUCKING IMBECILE! WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!" Snape was overwhelmed with rage towards the idiot lying before him.

"Do you have any fucking idea what he's probably doing right this moment!" Harry looked up, realization dawning on his face. "Oh bloody hell! We have to find him!"

With that, Snape and Harry burst out of his office and sprinted out of the class, leaving behind many a confused student.

_Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! How could I be so stupid? What if he tries to kill himself again? We have to find him before it's too late! _Harry was right behind Snape as they made a mad-dash for the Slytherin rooms.

_Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck! How could Potter be so stupid? What if he tries to kill himself again? _Snape was right in front of Harry as they made a mad-dash for the Slytherin rooms.

Draco slowly made his way to his room. He was a bit calmer now that his godfather had shown actual compassion. But it was hardly enough to settle his screaming thoughts.

_What if he doesn't love me? He probably remembered how rude I was to him all these years and has gotten over me! He hates me now, I know it! _

_How could I lose him, gain him, and then lose him again so quickly? It's just not worth it anymore. He shouldn't have saved me. The pain's too much to bear._

Draco trudged up to his room, knowing what he had to do. He rummaged around until he found his trusty switchblade. He popped it up and made the descent to his wrists once again.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N: **Oh the evilness of me! Me and my cliffies…I practically live on them! Anyway, hope all liked it and I, of course, wish for many a review! (Preferrably flame-less)

And now….

Review Response time!

Abi2: I know, I know it's so predictable. I'm still getting the cliché stories out of my system. I'll try to mix it up though in later chapters.

Ashura Taneth: Lol. Thanks

Jujube15: Thanks and hope you liked the last chapter.

Mely Bellatrix Julietta Spyko Mee: Wow, you have a long name…anyway, yay for caps lock responses! Thanks so much for the review!

Slychick25877: Your wish is my command. I have continued it (as you saw above) Hope you liked it!

xox-Rachelle-oxo: Yay I have talent! Fine fine, you convinced me to continue. Hopefully it's the brilliant story you were looking for. And now I'm excited for your review for it! And, as you just read, there's a lack of dead Harry and Draco. So, there ya go.

Wilbo Baggins: The bold print is a song by Bayside. And thanks so much for the review. You've given me many an option for how to continue the story. Thanks!

Stu6cle: Thanks for the review, although there seems to be asshole Harry right now, there is still a chance for that whole torturing in public, shagging in private thing later on. You'll just have to keep reading to find out….:)

Padfoots-one-and-only: Thanks for the review! Hope you liked the latest chapter, and can't wait for your next review!

Kami's-karma: Hope this latest chapter resolved your confusion. And, as many others requested, I've written more for you to feast your eyes on. I'ma hopin' you liked it!

BlendedFrog: I like your sn. It made me laugh. Well, there is still a living Draco in the story…but how long will that last? Oh, the horrible ways of me. And as you saw, Harry's chockfull of faux-hatred. Hope you liked it and review please!


	3. I'm Weak Inside

**A/N: **Sorry it's taken me so fucking long to update. Damn, I'm horrible. Okay, so the first few weeks I didn't update because I was going through some major issues involving family and friends. My uncle had just gotten surgery to remove cancer and thankfully he's completely cancer-free now. But then my friend found out he got cancer so things've been pretty rough. But that was a while back and then my next excuse is I thought I didn't want to continue this story. I wasn't going to for about a month and then today I just decided to continue it. So, here we are. I've gotten way better about updating, where I update at least once a week. Anyway, enjoy the story and hope it was worth the terribly long wait.

**A/N#2: **This story is dedicated to John Holohan. He's the drummer from Bayside (I got the lyrics in my first chapter from one of their songs and same with the title of the story) Anyway, he died a few weeks back, so I've decided to dedicate my stories to him. If you want details and such on him, look up my other story "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying". I talk all about him in my A/N of chapter six.

**Disclaimer: **I own absolutely nothing pertaining to Harry Potter, except my ticket stub from GoF that I saw last night! AHH!

**Warnings: **Lemme see…in this chapter there's some language, hmm…and references to a male/male relationship. That's pretty much it, I think.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Chapter Three: I'm Weak Inside** (Against All Authority)

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Snape and Harry were running as fast as they possibly could, which, surprisingly for Snape at least, was pretty damn fast. They dashed through the Slytherin common room, shocking quite the number of students, but only caring about reaching the boys' dormitories in time. Snape burst into Draco's room with Harry not far behind. Harry nearly collided with Snape as the Potions professor stopped dead in his tracks.

Harry peered past Snape to see what was wrong.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Draco cut three deep slits on both of his wrists. He looked down at the blood rushing out through teary eyes. He couldn't hold them back anymore. He fell to the ground, sobs, once again, escaping from his mouth. As Draco cried his soul out, he forced the tears back once more, making himself become composed. He stood back up, wiped the tears from his face, and waited, just like last time.

He started to grow dizzy, swaying back and forth, but determined to stay up. He had to stay strong through this, and go down proudly. His whole world was crumbling and he still had that Malfoy pride. During the last moments of his consciousness, he heard his door slam open and vaguely saw his godfather and the man he loved run into his room.

He then fell into a sweet abyss of black as he collapsed.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Harry peered past Snape to see what was wrong. Draco was swaying back and forth, and looked like he was just about to pass out. Snape and Harry were both in shock, just staring at the blonde. But, when Draco began to fall, Harry ran at lightning speed to catch him.

Harry managed to catch him right before he hit the ground, and Snape rushed over to both of them. Before anything else was to be done, they would have to take care of Draco's wounds. Snape knew there wasn't enough time to make it to the Hospital Wing, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He cast a few healing spells on Draco's wrists, then levitated him in order to take him to the Potions classroom.

Fortunately, since Snape is not a favored teacher, the Potions class that Harry and Snape ran out on had long since left, leaving the room empty and making it much easier to help Draco.

Snape set Draco down on one of the tables and ran off into his office. While Snape was gathering potions for Draco, Harry stood next to the unconscious beauty, holding his hand as if his life depended on it. When Snape returned, he began working at lightning speed. He rushed about, administering all sorts of potions, most of which Harry had no clue as to what they were.

After a few minutes of Snape's antics, the older man started barking orders at Harry, although he was still at his rushed pace. Harry was so lost in his thoughts, concerning Draco no doubt, that he barely caught what Snape was ordering him to do. "Potter! Go get Dumbledore. Now!"

Harry quickly nodded his head before running out of the classroom. He ran all the way to Dumbledore's office and upon reaching it, realized he hadn't a clue as to what the password was. Instead of standing there listing all assortments of candy, Harry decided to yell and scream for Dumbledore to come out of his office.

Needless to say Harry's yells caught quite a bit of attention, especially since his most of his calls consisted of something like, "Dumbledore get your ass down here this fucking instant!" Even though most professors would've reprimanded Harry severely for his words, Dumbledore just popped out of his office calmly, twinkling eyes and kind smile firmly in place.

"Harry, m'boy, whatever seems to be the problem?" Dumbledore asked, acting as if Harry's actions were completely normal.

Harry's response was a very quick, and loud, "Draco. Potions classroom. Go! Now!" With that, Harry began his trek back to the Potions room, not even looking back to see if Dumbledore was following.

Dumbledore was following, luckily, and was running at an extremely fast speed considering how incredibly old the Headmaster was. Dumbledore obediently followed Harry to the Potions classroom, and ran up to Snape as soon as he stepped foot in the room.

"Severus, what's going on?" The old wizard asked, not even out of breath after running such a great distance as such a great speed. Snape didn't look away from his work on Draco as he answered, "Draco's cut himself. Again."

Harry noticed Snape's speed in working waver as he admitted Draco's actions. He stopped completely, if only for the briefest of moments, before blinking and returning to fixing his godson up.

As Harry fell back into his swirling thoughts of the unconscious blonde, he was yet again brought back by an order directed at him. This time, it was Dumbledore nearly yelling at Harry to retrieve Madame Pomfrey.

Harry was slightly shocked at how strained the old man's voice was. Dumbledore's voice was always smooth, sweet and calm, but right now, Harry couldn't hear the faintest trace of any of those traits. Without anymore hesitation, Harry bolted out of the classroom again.

He ran at a furious pace, not winded at all by running so much already today. He made it to the Hospital Wing in no time, and promptly began screaming yet again.

"Madame Pomfrey! Madame Pomfrey! Get the fuck out here now!" Unlike Dumbledore, as Madam Pomfrey came out of her office, she had a harsh look on her face, immediately reprimanding Harry for using such a tone with a professor. Harry ignored her scolding and began yelling at her again.

"No time! We have to get to the Potions classroom, immediately!" As Harry turned to run out of the Hospital Wing, he was stopped by a hand grasping his wrist. He turned back to see Madame Pomfrey with a grave look on her face.

"No, we'll floo there." Without another word, the usually cheerful medi-witch pulled Harry into the fireplace, grabbed a handful of floo powder, and just about screamed out, "Potions classroom!" Harry's world spun, and he soon found himself back in the cold dungeons.

Madame Pomfrey quickly rushed over to the other professors, asking what was going on. Snape visibly gulped, apparently unable to repeat what Draco had done. Luckily, Dumbledore noticed and said to the witch, "Draco's had an accident," hoping that Madame Pomfrey would understand what he meant by accident. "He's lost a lot of blood," Dumbledore finished up.

It took a moment until comprehension dawned on the woman's face. She cleared her throat, a crestfallen look upon her face. She shook herself, hopefully shaking off some nerves, and began casting spells upon the motionless body before her.

Harry walked up next to the table, lacing his fingers with Draco as he held his hand. Harry just stayed like that for some incomprehensible amount of time, and he really didn't matter how long he was there. All he was thinking about was Draco. _How could I be so fucking stupid? I almost lose him once, but no, that's not enough to give myself over to the love I feel for him. Now, he might die. Another death, brought on by me. _

As Harry stood there, holding hands with his love and occasionally brushing back some stray hair on the blonde's forehead, everyone else continued to work furiously. Luckily, Snape didn't have anymore classes for the rest of the day, so the professors were able to concentrate on helping Draco without any interruptions.

They worked for hours, giving Draco all sorts of potions and casting a plethora of spells. Eventually, Draco was stable enough for them to rest for the night. As everyone left, Dumbledore looked back at Harry, who was still standing next to Draco, continuing to hold his hand.

"Harry, you need to go to bed," the Headmaster said soothingly, snapping Harry out of his thoughts. Dumbledore just then noticed the tear tracks down the young wizards face, and his red puffy eyes.

"I-I can't leave him. Not now…Not ever again…" Harry managed to stammer out his response, fresh tears falling past his cheeks. Dumbledore looked at Harry, eyes full of concern.

"Harry, you need rest, and I'm not sure if Severus would like you staying-" The old man was cut off by the sound of Snape's weary voice.

"Let the boy stay, Albus. I know what it's like to lo-lose someone, or to have the love of your life on the death's door. It's fucking torture. Not knowing if you'll ever be able to talk to them again. Just..." Snape swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat. "Just let him stay."

Dumbledore looked at Snape, grief and understanding filling his eyes. "Alright, since it's alright with you." Harry's features showed the slightest bit of relief, but worry still marring his features considerably. "Just, please Harry, try to get some rest." With that, Dumbledore was gone, patting Snape comfortingly on the back as he walked out of the classroom.

Snape glanced back at the two boys, a single tear rolling down his cheek as he turned around and left the room.

Harry stared down at Draco, completely losing the restraint he'd been using all day long. He fell to the ground, his hand still entwined with the other boy's, sobs ripping out of his throat.

"Draco…I'm so…so sorry…I love you…please baby…come back…" Harry gasped out pleas as he continued to cry loudly. Harry began shaking with the sheer force of his sobs, wishing with all his might that Draco would be okay. Harry cried for hours, eventually passing out from exhaustion just as the sun started to rise.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**Snape walked back into the Potions classroom as soon as daybreak hit. He was extremely tired, not getting much sleep. Snape had heard Harry crying all through the night. That, with the fact that the professor's thoughts were plagued with his lost love, Snape got almost no sleep.

As he entered the room, he saw the sleeping form of Harry on the floor. The boy was in curled up in a ball, in a semi-seated position as he leaned against the table. His arm was awkwardly stretched above his head, his hand still grasping Draco's.

Snape walked over to the raven-haired boy and gently shook his shoulder. "Potter, Potter wake up." Harry mumbled a bit, and slowly regained consciousness. His head snapped up quickly, his eyes darting wildly. As his sight landed on the Potions professor, he frantically asked, "Is Draco okay?"

Snape's heart twinged as he looked at the love-stricken boy; all Harry cared about was Draco. "He's fine, don't worry. I just woke you up to tell you to go back to your room and get some rest. I'll watch over Draco."

Harry's eyes filled with tears. "I can't. I won't leave him. I'm staying this time." Harry's last sentence came out a whisper; he was talking to himself more than Snape.

The older man sighed. "Alright, but at least pull up a chair to sit in." Harry obeyed and put a chair next to the table Draco was lying on. He immediately latched his hand onto the other boy's when he sat down. Tears were trickling down his face once again, not that he seemed to notice.

Snape looked at the completely and utterly exhausted boy before him. "Potter, go back to sleep. I'll take care of Draco. Just sleep, now. Everything will be alright."

Harry allowed himself to relax somewhat from Snape's soothing words. His eyes drooped as he started wavering between a state of being awake and a state of sleeping. The latter won, and Harry's eyes slid closed as he gave into sweet sleep.

Snape conjured a pillow and blanket, carefully placing the pillow behind Harry's head and covering him with the blanket. He was about to do the same for Draco when he noticed that Harry had already done it sometime during the night before.

The professor checked over his godson, looking for any signs that would help determine the boy's condition. Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey dropped by shortly after, both looking Draco over for any signs, as Snape was unable to figure anything out before.

Snape paced the room as the two other adults finished checking over Draco. After a few minutes, he turned to them expectantly. "Well?"

Dumbledore responded quickly. "He should be okay. His blood level is only a little below average now, so the only remaining question is when he'll regain consciousness." Snape sighed with almost unbearable amounts of relief as Madame Pomfrey surveyed the room, realizing that it was no place to keep an unconscious boy.

"Shouldn't we move him to the infirmary?" Dumbledore didn't respond for a while, seemingly debating with how to answer that question. Before he had time to respond, though, Snape spoke up. "It might be more comfortable for Draco if we did, but I'd rather not wake Potter up so we could move him. Potter did not get more than an hour's sleep last night. After Potter wakes up, though, we could move Draco to the infirmary."

Dumbledore looked between Snape and Madame Pomfrey saying, "Well, that settles it. Draco will stay here until Harry wakes up. If Draco hasn't regained consciousness by then, we'll move him to the Hospital Wing."

Madame Pomfrey left shortly after, leaving some potions of her own for Snape to administer later on. Dumbledore was about to leave, before his eyes filled with concern again, and he motioned for Snape to sit down as he sat down himself. "Severus, are you okay?"

Snape looked down, unsure on how to answer the question. Snape hardly let down his cold mask, but whenever Dumbledore was questioning him, he knew it was of no use to try and hide his emotions.

"No, not really. I don't know how I could be. With everything going on with Draco, and this is bringing back some pretty harsh memories of…him." Snape tried desperately to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes.

"I know it's hard, Severus. Losing him so long ago only to lose him again. But Draco will be fine; we just have to make sure that he doesn't try to end his life ever again." Snape shuddered as Dumbledore brought up Draco's suicide attempts.

"Albus, thank you. It's been really rough lately, and I just want to thank you for helping me through it all. You don't know how much I appreciate it."

"Severus, I will always be here for you. You are like a son to me; I would never turn my back on you." Dumbledore gave a warm smile as Snape brushed back a few tears that managed to escape his eyes.

"Well, let's not get all mushy, I am a hard-assed bastard, apparently."

Dumbledore quirked a grin at this and said, "And who, pray tell, says that?"

Snape gave a light laugh as he responded with, "Nearly all the school's population, teachers included." Dumbledore chuckled and stood up to leave. Snape stood as well, and as Dumbledore exited, he gave another reassuring pat on the other professor's back and saying, "Cancel your classes for the day; you need the rest and it wouldn't do at all to have people come to class with an unconscious Draco and a Harry suffering from a severe mental breakdown in your room." Snape nodded and watched as Dumbledore left the room.

After Dumbledore left, Snape cast a few more spells on his godson, and administered the potions Madame Pomfrey gave him. He pulled a chair up next to the table holding Draco, opposite Harry, and just sat there, thinking.

Snape's thoughts once again were consumed by Draco's well-being and memories of his former lover. After a while, though, Snape's exhaustion caught up with him. His eyes grew heavy as he slipped in and out of a semi-conscious state. Not before long, the older man was slumped in his chair, fallen into a deep sleep.

Harry woke up a while later, taking in his surroundings. He noticed Snape asleep in the chair across from him and was about to wake him, but thought otherwise as he saw the professor's forehead creased with worry and exhaustion evident on his face. Harry's hand was still clutching Draco's, and although his hand was extremely cramped, he wouldn't have it any other way.

Yet again, Harry's eyes filled with tears. As the first few tears slipped down his face, quiet sobs escaped his throat. Forgetting Snape was there, Harry began whispering to his unconscious love.

"Draco, sweet sweet Draco. I'm so sorry. I fucked up so…so bad. I-I didn't, no couldn't comprehend how much I was hurting you. I…thought it was for the best if we went our separate ways. I don't know why, but I really believed it would be better if we weren't together. But I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong." Harry's voice was now coming out in short gasps, sobs disrupting the flow of his words. He continued to speak, though.

"I love you…so much. So unbelievably much. I'm such a fucking idiot. I can't believe I caused this. I caused you to…want to die. How-how could I let this happen? Y-you are the world to me, and I c-can't live without you. How fucking stupid of me to try to do so. You could've died. Shit, you _wanted _die. And it's all my fault. My entire fucking fault."

Harry couldn't talk anymore, sobs taking over completely. Harry's head was facedown on the desk, nuzzled next to his and Draco's entwined hands. With his face down, Harry didn't notice the tears falling down the fully awake Potions professor, or the fact that the man quickly left the room, leaving Harry with complete privacy.

Harry did notice, however, the slight tightening of grip from the hand he was holding. Harry gasped, looking up just in time to see Draco's eyes flutter open.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

xox-Rachelle-oxo: Thanks for the review, and I can't apologize enough for taking so damn long. Hey, at least I decided to continue the story, right?

Sly: I know, I'm horrible. But, hey, notice the fluttering of eyes and gripping of the hand by Draco. So, he's not dead. And I must apologize for taking sooooo horribly long to update. Tis whorish of me, really.

Jujube: It's gettin' there to be better for 'em. Sorry about the lack of updating soon, but as you can see with my other story, I'm getting on track with the whole updating regularly thing. So, I just have to do the same with this one and s'all good.

Ruri-Ruri Hoshino: I know, I put Draco through all sorts of shit. Even in my other story, he almost dies. I'm just so mean to him. And sorry sorry sorry for taking so long to update, I'll do better next time, I promise.

famin: Hmm…a cool and creepy story, me like. Yes, I try to add in a bit of humor every now and then, so it's not completely drama-packed. Sorry for taking forever-time to update, tis horrible of me, I know.

Mely Bellatrix Julietta Spyko Mee: I know, poor Draco. He goes through so much. And I do enjoy Snapey-wapey too (that's my nickname for him…teehee) And look at the twist involving Snape's love life. Ooh, tres interresante! Thanks for the review and I WILL NOT TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE NEXT TIME.

Wykked As Syn: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, I didn't do so much with the update soon…so, I'll be sure to do that next time.

Kittery: I know, you'll find with my stories I tend to love writing cliffies. They're just sooo much fun to use! AHH! But tis truly mean of me when I have a cliffie like that and take so damn long to update. Won't happen next time, though, mark my words.


	4. SO SORRY!

I'm so sorry but I'm going to have to put this story off for about two weeks. I promise promise promise I won't update any later than the Saturday after next (Dec. 10). You see, I'm working on typing up all the chapters to my stories so I don't have any more problems with updating. So, I have to finish writing up my other story and then I'm working on this one, and then I'll start updating every Friday or Saturday. Sorry to leave you with a cliffie, but I'll try to type fast and furiously and get another chapter out ASAP. Oh, which reminds me, I'll need a beta for this story, so if you want to, I'll be sooooo thankful. And if I get a beta, I'll be more determined to get the story typed up quicker...So, sorry sorry sorry soooo sorry, but the next time I update everything will be sorted out.


	5. this sucks so fucking bad

I know all of you were expecting another chapter, but my life just happens to hate me and is making itself as shitty as possible.  
So, I wrote up a few chapters earlier on this week, but my computer crashed and deleted all of 'em. That wasn't too bad, it just pissed me off.  
But the main reason there's not another chapter up is on Thursday I was in a car accident. I'm fine, but one of my best friends, Jenny, is in a coma right now. They say she'll wake up soon, hopefully. But, until then, I can't dedicate any of my time to my fanfics. I hope after Jenny wakes up and is better I'll be able to start up my stories again. But right now, I'm spending all my extra time at the hospital. I'm soo sorry, but I just can't handle everything going on right now to be able to write my fanfics. I love all of you who've read my story and I absolutely adore all of you who have reviewed, and hopefully the shittiness of my life will be over soon and I'll be able to get back to my stories. I'm sorry this sucks so much, but it's just how my life is right now. I love you all, and you'll hopefully be reading my stories again within the next couple o' months.  
Jenn AKA sinsoftheflesh98


End file.
